August 10, 2003 - It is California, where else? A Republican Congressman puts up $1.7 million to collect signatures to recall the just re-elected Democratic governor and then cries manly tears as he withdraws from the race in favor of the Republican’s leading candidate to succeed the incumbent, an immigrant from Austria who favors gay marriage, abortion, and social services anathema to the Republican Party. It is California.

But there are other candidates for Gray Davis’ job. One is just 22 years old. She was born in 1981 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. That made her 19, old enough to vote in the 2000 election. Perhaps her vote was one of those “dimpled chads” in the Broward County recount. She claims to be the one candidate with nothing to hide. Her qualifications are 36DD and she wants to tax breast implants and to make California a clothing optional state. (Judging from the photo that Drudge displayed to herald the leading candidate’s announcement it was already!) Like modern candidates everywhere she had her own website (http://www.marycarey.com) where, for a modest contribution of $17.95 you can be treated to the bare essentials of her candidacy literally wrapped in the American flag. It is California.

Bill Simon, the Republican loser in 2002, is also in the field as are Arianna Huffington, Larry Flint, a real life Barbie look alike with a pink convertible and a cast of more than 120 others who put up 65 signatures and thirty-five hundred bucks. It is California and the only thing missing in this farce is the President’s fellow Texan, Anna Nicole Smith. But don’t count her out too soon. 2004 is on the horizon and the biggest Texan on the block inherited enough money from her last husband to bankroll a campaign. Besides she has more qualifications than Mary Carey by a bra-size or two.

The whole thing might be amusing – barely – as a second bill at the drive in or a Dave Barry column. The problem is that we aren’t making this stuff up. It is what now passes for politics in the 21st Century. The media, mainstream and otherwise, will eat this stuff up. It will crowd out serious questions of economic dislocation, war and reconstruction, terror in the streets and the skies and the Selling of the Presidency, 2004 edition.

Recall 2003 will barely be over when Election 2004 gets really rolling. Of course the way is clear for the loser. The recall election is set for October 7th. The new recall petition starts circulating October 8th so all you good Californians start saving up for the $3,500 filing fee, make 65 new friends and take to the streets – clothing optional.